My Humber writing mentorship is over, and it’s hard to talk about what I’ve learned since May. It’s hard to talk about writing development without sounding foolish. What can I say that doesn’t sound obvious, over-simple? And maybe a little boring? In fact, I rarely talk about it at all, except with other friends who are also writers, who understand how maddening it can be to chase a story, meaning, characters, tie down this shivering little world you invented in your head, and haul it out in front of strangers and make it make as much sense to them as it does to you. Especially when you already think you know what you’re doing.
Or maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s just how I react to rapid, intensive learning. The last session of the latest level of my Finnish class was this week, and things progressed quickly. I was suddenly punching above my weight, trying to construct sentences that I didn’t even have words for yet. There’s a point where I become cocky, overconfident with what I’ve learned, and throw myself into space before I’m ready. Then comes the frustration with myself, almost like I’m angry for not knowing more than I know. It seems I’m more of a perfectionist than I realize. How annoying.
That said, both experiences were fantastic. I do feel wonderful about what I learned in both my Humber mentorship (and of course about my mentor! It’ll be strange not showing her everything I write now) and in Finnish class. I just think I need the month of December to go easy on myself, consume orange chocolate and not think about learning a single new thing. It’s a good month for that sort of thing, isn’t it?