The light.

The light goes so fast. It’s dark again before I realize it’s happening. A darkening room, a quieting world, the rushing of distant cars the only reliable sound. A bird now and then, to make me feel like it’s spring.

I’ve been writing again. Not much, but it’s there, and this time I feel like it’s not going to slip away. I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year since my Humber mentorship ended. A whole year of not understanding writing anymore, not understanding myself without writing anymore. It hasn’t been all bad – I think everyone goes through times of doubt about the most sure thing they can think of – but I’m glad that it seems to be over. The way I consider myself to be a writer is so much different from how it was this time last year. And that is the most surprising effect of my mentorship. The past 11 months went by so quickly, but they changed so much.

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This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Amy

    If you ever feel like elaborating on some of these changes, I’d love to hear about them.

    1. Samantha

      Sure! I’ll try to put them into proper words; it’s mostly misty feelings right now.

  2. Amy

    I just saw this reply! When I changed my writing focus, it was like a complete identity shift as well. It took several years to feel even vaguely normal when it came to writing. I’m envious of those who have always had a steady, unshifting view.

    Looking forward to reading your thoughts.

    1. Samantha

      I can really understand how it took several years to feel normal again! For me, a lot of it had to do with years of conditioning to write things that fit literary magazines’ word counts. It was something I started doing so long ago that it became internalized. Seeing that in writing now makes me feel so silly. Who would admit to tailoring their writing to someone else’s preferences? But when you’ve been doing it for so long, you don’t even think it could be wrong.

      Anyway, lately I’ve been realizing that I naturally lean towards longer short stories. I feel better writing them, and they’re usually better stories. That means most of them probably don’t have a hope of being published, but that’s something I’m okay with now.

      1. Amy

        I’d never really thought about length of short stories in terms of publishing. That’s a bummer, but I’m glad you’re getting back into writing regardless.

        The novella is my favorite length to read and to write. Most of the 20th century classic novels were actually novellas, especially the Modernists. Supposedly that length is making a comeback because of ebooks. Perhaps some of your longer stories will fall under that category.

        In children’s literature, length and audience guide everything you do. The freedom I have now is one of the things that have made it so difficult to know what what direction to take.

        Sorry this post is turning into a novella!

        1. Samantha

          I love novellas so much. I do hope they come back into fashion!

          And don’t apologize for the long comment – I love it! I kind of know what you mean about freedom making it difficult. I experience that sometimes too. Ugh.